One Month

Happy Birthday, Kai! Today you turned one month old.



I'm finding it difficult to know what to tell you about these last 30 days. I haven't had the time I'd like to sit and admire your perfect fingernails, or your blond eyebrows, or your sweet little nose. If I'm lucky I have one or two opportunities a day to just sit and hold you and let myself sink into that beautiful-baby-oblivion. I could sit and stare at you all day, except I can't.

I can't because you have a two year old brother who needs to be entertained and admired and admonished and assured that he hasn't been replaced by you, the cutest baby on the block. When I'm with you I'm also with Jett, and Jett can climb on counters, stand on chairs, unlock doors, and throw hard toys. So I'm a bit distracted.

I hate being distracted when I'm with you. What I want is to spend all day in bed with you, just looking in to your eyes and learning about who you are. I want to examine your little ears and determine once and for all if one is rounder than the other one. I want to see if you will still wrinkle your little nose when I touch it with two fingers - but not if I touch it with one. I want to bring you into the bath with me again like I did the other night, and hold you on your back in the water while we gaze in to each other's eyes. I want to again stare in wonder at the way your hair moves in to tight little curls when it's wet.



Instead I walk around the house while you are breastfeeding. I hold on to you with one arm and help Jett pour his milk with my free hand. I rock you with one hand and buckle Jett's sandal with the other hand (thank goodness for velcro buckles). I lay you down in the pack-n-play or set you in the swing and then entice Jett to play near you so I can rub your belly while I push Jett's cars around the floor.



Thankfully Jett is usually game. He loves you. He kisses you goodnight every night, and lays his head in your lap - his way of hugging you. He does this without prompting. When I walk in his room in the morning with you in my arms, he says his usual, "Oh Momma!" and then says, "Oh Baby!" and reaches out for you so he can kiss you on the cheek and pat you on the head. He's very gentle.

Meanwhile, you don't seem to be holding my divided attention against me. You've been a pretty easy baby so far, full of smiles and patience. You've been very go-with-the-flow too, and we've gone a lot of places. Already you've been to a museum, to a number of parks, a conservatory, a restaurant, millennium park, our neighborhood pool, stores, a wiggles worm class, gymboree, and on a road trip to Michigan. You've seen more Chicago sights than I did the first month I lived here.

The parks are perhaps our biggest accomplishment/adventure. I carry you in a sling in order to keep up with Jett. With you in the sling we climb up the playground equipment and slide down the slides, lift Jett in and out of swings, and struggle with him when it's time to get in the stroller. We sweat through our shirts on to each other. Sometimes I breastfeed you in the sling, and while I feel incredibly kick-ass to have figured out how to nurse discreetly in the sling while sliding down a slide, I know that really it's all up to you, and I'm thankful for your ability to literally hang in there.

So keep hanging in there, Kai. I may only have one hand on you at a time, but I'll do my best not to let you down.



Happy Birthday easy-going baby. We love you.