There's a Joke in Here Somewhere....

After my unproductive Internet search to figure out how much cow's milk I need to give Kai if I'm still breastfeeding, I did what I should have done in the first place and called a lactation consultant. I won't tell you how many times I breastfeed Kai in one day because you would think I am crazy. I will tell you that apparently I'm feeding him enough to give him approximately 20 ounces during the day. (Geesh, no wonder I'm so thirsty all the time and eating twice as much as Charlie at every meal). Also, the lactation consultant told me that the milk I'm providing is far superior to cow's milk***. So I guess I'll just keep feeding him.

Last time I entered in to the world of extended breastfeeding I obsessed over it on a daily basis: should I stop, should I stop nursing him in public, should I limit him to just before bedtime, should i stop admitting to people that I'm still doing it, etc., etc. People are so opinionated about it. My favorite quote came from a friend of mine, who said that if the baby is old enough to ask for it, then the baby is too old for it. That sounds so clever, but it's not that easy because most parents want to give their baby want they want, and if that's what the baby wants, and it's a healthy option, then, well, what is a mama to do?

This time I think I'm just done obsessing about, done trying to explain it, done analyzing it, done. There are just so many other things to obsess over, like preschool and potty training, and a million other things I could list here, but I won't. It's liberating really to have the mental space available to worry about so many other things.

Wait a minute....


***Don't think I didn't try to rephrase that to try to avoid comparing myself to a cow.

Wasted

On the night that both boys ask to go to bed before their bedtime, it is a good idea to go to the Internet to find answers to your parenting questions. Because when you google "how much cows milk do I need to give my 12 month old if I am still breastfeeding him" you will come up with lots of interesting and contradictory things to read and they will all be written by moms who have lots of professional experience. AND even though half of those moms tell you that cow's milk is dangerous and the other half tells you that goats milk is far better even though it is more expensive than cow's but not as expensive as formula, none of them will answer your question, but that is ok, because you are sure that the Internet has your answer somewhere. Then an hour later when you look up le leche league they will also not answer your question, neither will the world health organization, and you would read the american academy of pediatrics website, but it is so late now, and your eyes are bleary. So then you might as well go to facebook for some reprieve because surely none of your long lost sorority sisters will be on facebook at the exact same time, and you will surely not want to chat with any of them. Two hours later when you should be asleep and the kitchen should be clean, you will be really proud of yourself for using the Internet to answer your question about parenting.

Kai's Birthday Party

We threw Kai a grand birthday party on Saturday. Faced with the prospect of hosting 17 people (that's just family!) in our 1100 square foot condo, Charlie and I got to work. We made a list of "must-haves" and they all fell in to place: the sun came out, Jett and Kai took their naps before hand and played well with their cousins, my sister came and helped me decorate, and the food (all from scratch, thankyouverymuch) tasted good, if I do say so myself. Charlie and I had a lot of fun, Jett loved it, and Kai was a peach. Here is the story of our day, in pictures.

Uncle Nathan, in our neat and tidy condo before the party. Those are the cupcakes on the mantle behind him, big punching balloons hanging from the ceiling, and photos of Kai strung across the windows. The big white rectangle on the wall behind the table is a homemade version of "pin the tail on the donkey" except I can't draw a donkey so this one is called "Build a Boy". It was a surprising hit with the kids. Jett was especially proud of pinning the hands and feet in the right place.

Everyone started to arrive at 4:00, and most of us and all of the kids stayed outside on the sidewalk. We brought out folding chairs for the adults and bubbles for the kids. I almost felt like I had a yard - but I also felt that maybe we should have invited all of our neighbors, since we were taking up the entire sidewalk! This little bus is Jett's favorite toy from his first birthday. At his birthday Jett ran all over the condo pushing the bus in front of him. Kai isn't walking yet, but he is one determined driver.

My sister Heather made this cute cute shirt - it has a big "1" on the front. She also brought bubble guns and a bubble machine because she knows kids, and she knows how to host a party.

We started serving dinner at 5:30. For dinner, Charlie and I made beef and chicken enchiladas with black beans, rice, and watermelon on the side. We sort of ate in shifts, to accommodate the lack of seating. After dinner we opened presents. Jett helped with the unwrapping and he didn't even mind letting Kai think the presents were for him. Here is Kai in my lap, admiring his new sporty sandals from Aunt Jenny.

Kai looked confused when we sang "Happy Birthday" to him, but who can blame him? He had 16 people singing to him! His admirers were me, Charlie, Jett, Aunt Heather, Uncle Rich, Megan, Owen, Uncle Nathan, Grandma, Grandpa, Grammy, Papa, Uncle Will, Aunt Jenny, Uncle Brian, and Ellie. Whew!

Kai also wasn't sure what to do with the candle except touch it (which is why we are holding his hands). But he did know what to do with the cupcake.

Here he is digging in before we could get the paper off the cupcake. I wanted Jett in this photo too, but he refused, and it just wasn't worth the argument. But now I regret not having a true family photo on Kai's birthday. Ah well.

That's a yellow cupcake with chocolate ganache on top. The recipe is from Amy Sedaris, which I found through Zack. I know it doesn't look like Kai likes his cupcake, but he did, he did! He devoured it, and now that I think about it, he may have eaten two. Hmm. Maybe we shouldn't have put the rum in the ganache....

At the end of the night we took Kai's new bubble machine to the school yard across the street and filled up the lawn with bubbles. Kai loved it and so did we.
On his birthday, Kai clapped, waved bye-bye and said "bye-bye" in his sweet little quiet voice. He also blew kisses, and pointed to his nose, ears, and head when we asked him to. He's one!

Here is Kai with his cousins - and another photo without Jett!

By the end of the day we were exhausted, happy, and full - and I can't wait to do it again! Happy Birthday, Kai! We love you!

One of the easy days.

Saturday we had a party (which I'll write about tomorrow) and Sunday we walked around all day downtown and this morning they all went home and Charlie went out and it was just me and the boys in our little condo - so quiet. What to do, Mama?

What to do?

I can lay on the floor and you can crawl all over me. Then we can sweep the fire escape and blow bubbles out there. Then we can lay a towel down by the bubble machine and eat grapes, bananas, muffins, and black beans. Then we can play cars, and play cards, and make Kai laugh. Come on!

Oh Happy Day

This afternoon Jett was in a very good mood because he went to the store with Charlie and he got to pick out his own treat all by himself. He picked out a box of Hostess cupcakes. When Charlie and Jett returned from the store I told Jett to wash his hands and then eat lunch. Then I stood back and watched in amazement as he:

1. Walked in to the bathroom.
2. Realized that his step stool was missing.
3. Walked to the other bathroom and found his step stool.
4. Carried his step stool from one bathroom to the other, placed it next to the sink (not the front of the sink) so he could reach the faucet.
5. Turned on the water, pumped out the soap, washed his hands with gusto, dried his hands on the towel, and then dropped the towel on the floor.

He asked me for milk and I told him he could have water and he went back to the bathroom for the step stool, carried it out to the fridge, found a sippy cup in the cupboard, took the top off, stepped up onto the stool, filled his cup with water, twisted on the lid, and then climbed up on to his chair for lunch.

He climbed up on to his chair for lunch with a smile.

He ate 2/3 of his lunch and then asked for a cupcake. As he took one out of the box, he offered a cupcake to each of us, saying he wanted to eat a cupcake with us. He wanted to share.

So I put him to bed because the day couldn't get any better than that.

Happy Birthday, Kai!

Dear Kai,

Today you turned one. One! It was a great day.

We spent the morning kicking around in Millenium Park, and the afternoon walking along Michigan Avenue, while you and Jett slept in the stroller. We rode the bus and ate ice cream and played in the water, and cooked you your favorite meal for dinner. We celebrated you all day.

You loved that strawberry ice cream! I don't know why you look unhappy here!

You woke up in the morning pointing at everything. I held you in the kitchen and named everything that you pointed at. With your little index finger pointing up, it looked like you were telling the kitchen that today you turn one! One!

I held you on our bus ride down town and you spent nearly the entire ride snuggled into me, with your head on my chest. I loved it, and the little old lady sitting beside us thought you were the most comfortable looking baby she had ever seen.

Hanging out at Millenium Park

What started out as just our own little family party turned in to a kind of big party. Our friends Jennifer, Jackson, and Abby came, and so did Kelly and Christopher and Grace, and so did Aunt Jenny and Ellie. 

The water was great. You crawled around on your belly and tried to eat the little tree seeds that had blown in to it and you didn't mind getting splashed. We love that you didn't mind getting splashed.

Jett at the fountain

In the afternoon, Jett was still sleeping in the stroller, but you were wide awake and fussy. So we took a break and sat down by the old water tower. We gave you a banana and yogurt and you talked and babbled and pointed to your nose, your ears, and your head when we asked you too. You're so smart!

Tonight we fixed your favorite dinner - Stouffer's frozen macaroni and cheese and apple sauce. Then we opened presents. Jett helped you open them, and he made sure that you didn't put any in your mouth, he is so sweet. We sang Happy Birthday to you, and you smiled and smiled. Then we played with your toys, gave you a bath, and snuggled you to sleep. When the time came to lay you down in your crib, you practically dove in. We agree - it was an exhausting, fun day.

I picked those turtles out for you, but I'm returning them because the wooden turtle shell comes off, and they are so loud rolling across our floor - too loud for our downstairs neighbors, probably. They are also perfect for throwing and would probably leave a bruise. So, back to the store they go.

Charlie picked out the inchworm and I think you are going to love it.

Happy Birthday, Kai. We can't believe it's been a year already. What a wonderful year. We love you.

Kai's Birth

In less than 24 hours Kai will be one year old. 364 days ago I was still waiting for him, 7 days overdue. Here is the story of Kai's birth day. It feels good to think about it. I don't know if it is interesting to anyone other than me and Charlie, but yet I will tell you all about it.

Because of changing childcare for Jett, I started my maternity leave on May 1 last year, even though my due date for Kai (who didn't have a name yet) wasn't until May 13. By May 20th I had burned through nearly three weeks of my maternity leave with no sign of impending labor. Except all of those "practice contractions", the ones with all the pain but nothing to show for it. I was self-conscious and tired, and worst of all my midwife who I loved was going on vacation on May 22nd.

May 21, mid-morning. I have an appointment with my midwife. She asks me if I want her to "get things going" to try to get my body to start labor sometime soon, maybe today perhaps, and I say that would be lovely, so she does, and nothing happens. I wish her a happy vacation and wonder when this baby is going to come out and who is going to catch him when he does.

May 21, noon. My midwife's office is downtown, a few blocks from Charlie's office. I'm working from home a little bit during my maternity leave, so after my appointment Charlie and I walk to Charlie's office and we both start to work. 

2:00. Charlie and I leave for lunch. We ate late so we could watch a soccer game over lunch. We walk over to the Lucky Strike and meet two friends/coworkers of Charlie's.

4:00. I'm getting antsy because I have to get home to relieve our nanny, who is watching Jett and his friend Will (who we shared our nanny with). I try to talk Charlie into leaving early with me, but he is a dedicated worker, so far.

4:30. The game ends, we walk back to Charlie's office, and the weather is beautiful and it's almost quitting time anyway, so I walk to the parking garage to get the car, and Charlie heads to his office to see if he can gather his things and sneak out.

4:45. I get in my car and start to leave the parking garage. Have some pain, and write it off as a practice contraction.

4:47. Charlie calls and is ditching work. I pick him up at the bottom of the parking garage and we head home.

4:55. We are one mile from home. I'm driving, and there is a pigeon in the middle of the road. I almost hit him because he doesn't move and I'm in too much pain to bother swerving. That is when I started to think that maybe something is going on.

5:00. We're home, I park, and we walk upstairs. Hug Jett. Chat with nanny and nanny share family who are there. Chat for a minute, have another practice contraction, go back to the bedroom and lay down. After a few minutes I come out of the bedroom as everyone is leaving and say goodbye like there is nothing going on, even though there is definitely something going on.

Front door shuts. I turn to Charlie and tell him to take Jett for a walk and pack him a bag in case he needs to drop him off at Jenny's (his sister who lives two blocks away).

5:05. Charlie and Jett walk out the door. I look at my watch and realize I've had contractions every four minutes for 20 minutes, and they keep getting stronger. Charlie and Jett are not yet at the bottom of the stairs, but I call Charlie and tell him to take Jett to Jenny's. 

5:15. I call Charlie who is not home yet and ask him to call my midwife, Sara, and tell her we are coming in. He suggests that I get in the bath because he knows that we don't want to get to the hospital too early, but I know that would be too much effort at that point. 

5:30. Charlie gets home. Contractions are now three minutes apart. He has not called Sara because he didn't want to jump the gun. I call Sara. She tells me that I probably have time to wait, why don't I get in the bath. I wonder where they both got their cliff notes to Labor and Delivery Part 1. I tell Sara that this is pretty painful and I'm coming in. She says, sure, I can come in to the hospital, that way I can relax knowing that I'm there and have everything I need. She says I will get there before her. I think relaxing is out of the question.

5:50. Charlie and I get in the car. We take Chicago Avenue east. There is a lot of traffic. And potholes. I can't decide if I want the seat reclined or upright, so I go back and forth, up and down. I can't decide if I want the window up or down, the fans on or off, the vents open or shut. I start counting the length of the contraction. When I get to about 24 the contraction starts going away. I am pleased with myself and start bragging to Charlie about my counting, but the contractions are coming almost every two minutes now, so I have to start counting again. I tell him that if I can just remember to think about just one contraction at a time I might be able to get through this. 

6:15. We are sitting on the corner of Chicago and Michigan Avenue and a bus just cut us off. There are crowds of people on the corner, waiting for the light to turn. I am inches away from dozens of people and I am breathing and counting and breathing and counting and trying not to look like a woman in labor in front of all of these people standing on the sidewalk just outside my now closed window. 

6:18. We are sitting on the corner of Chicago and Michigan and another car just cut us off. We sit through the second light. Pedestrians keep walking by my window and I want to disappear.

6:20. We are sitting on the corner of Chicago and Michigan and a cabbie just cut us off. We sit through the third light and I am breathing and counting and breathing and counting and Charlie is yelling at the cab driver now and I am breathing and counting and not looking at all of the pedestrians who are standing next to my window trying to cross the street that is blocked by the car with the pregnant woman who is about to have a baby in it maybe.

6:22. We finally turn on to Michigan Avenue, go one block, and stop at the red light. Are you kidding me?

6:24. We turn left. We make more turns. We pull into the valet area and Charlie gets me a wheel chair ohmygod I can not walk. I get in the wheel chair and we fumble with bags and shoes.

6:30. We enter the hospital and get directed to the door for pregnant ladies.

6:33. Charlie wheels me to the reception desk and the receptionist asks how can she help us and then she says, oh well obviously you are going to have a baby and I sign something that signifies that yes, that is true, and we make it through the double doors.

6:35. The nurse hands me a gown, tells me to put it on, and pee in a cup and I don't know how I'm going to do all that when I could barely get myself in a wheel chair a few minutes ago, but I am concerned about being a model patient. Suddenly I want to be the best patient they've ever had. I want to be their favorite patient. So I smile and say ok. Charlie comes with me in to the bathroom because while all of that sounds like very private business it is impossible to do alone when you are so busy counting and breathing and looking for something to hold on to. I don't, however, make him hold the cup, although I can't see past my belly, so whether any pee gets in the cup is anyone's guess. 

6:45. I'm in the bed in the "triage" area - I don't know what they call the place where the check you out before sending you to labor and delivery. The nurse is talking to my midwife Sara, and she tells Sara that I'm breathing through the contractions and haven't asked for pain medication yet. She doesn't tell her that I'm her favorite patient, which disappoints me, because I'm really being a trooper doing all this counting and peeing in the cup, and being polite and smiling.

6:55. They are ready to send me to labor and delivery and they want to know if I want to go up in a wheel chair or stay in the bed. I think about the wheel chair, because I'm sure that is what all of their favorite patients choose, but the thought of moving any more than necessary is terrifying, so I opt for the bed. They wheel me toward the elevators and somehow Charlie remembers to grab all of our stuff.

7:00. I'm in the labor and delivery room and don't notice the flat screen tv or the guest bed or any other amenity they talked about during the tour I took months ago. I just notice that the blinds are open, and there is an office building across the street, and I think it shouldn't be up to the patients to request privacy blinds, it should just be a given, since I'm practically naked by now and there's nothing I can do about it. But another contraction starts and I forget about the blinds and start counting to 24 again.

The nurses are at the end of their shift, but one has to stay late now that I am here and I feel guilty. There are lots of nurses and the ones leaving introduce themselves to me and then the ones arriving introduce themselves to me and I don't remember any of their names even though I try to.

Charlie is doing something with the bags on the other side of the room and another contraction is starting and he has been holding my hand through every one, but now he's on the other side of the room and I need to hold someone's hand so I say I need to hold someone's hand and the nurse who has to stay late holds my hand and for a minute I honestly think that she is my new best friend.

I had requested a tub to labor in, but it takes a while to bring it in to the room and then set it up, so I stay in the bed.

7:30. My midwife arrives. She reminds me that I don't have to lay on my back during labor, I can get up and walk around, why don't I sit up right now, here let me help you. 

I have to say, all of the natural childbirth stuff that I read and heard and listened to all advocated moving around during labor, but I was never in more pain than when Sara pulled me up to a sitting position. Then she had me stand up and walk over to the shower (since the tub wasn't ready yet). The idea is to rest against the chair that is in the shower, and let the hot water run down your back or belly or wherever the pain is. I had practiced this position in my childbirth class, but when I got to the shower and kneeled down, I couldn't remember where my arms were supposed to go. Do I lay them on the chair, or do I lay my head on the chair? Do I sit on the chair? I kind of rested my arms on it, but not the way I was supposed to. My gown fell off and got soaked and I don't know how no one else got soaked, because it seemed like a pond in there to me, but I wasn't totally aware of my surroundings. Sara or was it Charlie aimed the water at my back and tried to help me get in a more comfortable position and then I said I had to push and Sara said go ahead, so I pushed and my water broke.

Sara encouraged me to stand up but instead I kneeled on the floor of the shower and with my most polite moan reminded her that she said it was never too late for an epidural. She told me I was going to have the baby and again, I had to remind her that it's never too late for an epidural. She said, Amy, you are going to have the baby Right Now. Charlie said, Amy, you are going to have the baby Right Now. And I got up and they helped me walk back to the bed while I reminded them, yet again, that it is never too late for an epidural. 

It was too late for an epidural.

I got on the bed and sat up and I heard Sara ask the nurse to page the doctor. She asked three times, but the nurse said the doctor was delivering a baby at that moment. I wondered why she needed the doctor but I didn't ask because I was counting and breathing and concentrating. I pushed and the nurse asked me if I wanted to reach down and feel the baby's head - already! I didn't want to miss that opportunity, but I was concentrating on the pushing and the counting and I was afraid that if I got distracted I would lose my mind. The nurse asked again and I said no again and I was afraid that she would think that I didn't want to touch my baby's head or that I wouldn't be inspired by the feel of his hair and I wanted to explain that I just couldn't be distracted, but I didn't. Instead I pushed again and he was born.

7:43. He was naked and warm and beautiful on my chest and he had all of this curly black hair and his cheeks were enormous and his whole body was red and his eyes were squinty and his hair was so soft and he was there on my chest on my chest at my cheek in my arms needing me needing me needing me so I talked to him and stroked his cheek and his head and his hair and his arms and I held his hands and looked in to his eyes and said we did it, Kai. We did it. You're here.

An Interview with Jett...

...but it's all about me.

I got this idea from a blog that I read but I forgot to ask all of the more creative questions. Ah well, I'll do it again in two years, when Jett and I have another quiet moment on the couch together.

Me: Jett, what is my name?

Jett: M-a-m-a (and then he spelled it in sign language). That's your name, Mommy!

Me: How old am I?

Jett: I don't know.

Me: How old are you?

Jett: 13.

Me: How old am I?

Jett: 17.

Me: How tall am I?

Jett: I don't know, Mommy.

Me: How tall are you?

Jett: No, I not tall. I big.

Me: How tall is Kai?

Jett: No Kai tall. Kai little.

Me: How old is Daddy?

Jett: 18.

Me: What makes me happy?

Jett: Not turning on the light. (He means, I'm happy when he wakes up in the morning and comes out of his room without turning on his light and waking up Kai).

Me: What makes me sad?

Jett: Turning on the light.

Me: What makes Daddy happy?

Jett: Just play games.

Me: What makes Daddy sad?

Jett: Make a big mess.

Me: What is my favorite food?

Jett: Banana with me.

Me: What is my favorite thing to do?

Jett: Just watch TV with me.

Me: sigh.

Me: What do I not like to do?

Jett: Make Jett sad.

Me: What is Mama like in the morning?

Jett: Like to read books with me.

Me: What is your favorite thing to do with me?

Jett: Play game.

Me: What is Jett good at?

Jett: Watch TV and read book.

Me: What is Mama good at?

Jett: Just watch TV.

Me: sigh.

Me: Am I a good cook?

Jett: Yeah.

Swoon

Kai,

You are almost one year old and when you lay your head on my shoulder your hair is still warm against my cheek. When I lay you in your crib your little fingers grip my shirt and your little legs wrap themselves around my waist and you bury your head into my neck and fall asleep right there in my arms. If I had legs of steel and a stronger back and no need to sleep I would stand there all night, holding you in my arms, breathing your sweet milky breath and resting my cheek on your sweaty little head.

Tonight I stood there knowing that I had to lay you down and wondering why we don't just pull you in to our bed with us any more and dreading the pleading cry that would surely come as soon as I lifted your head from my shoulder, and I stood for minutes, hours, days, swaying back and forth next to your crib, as if you were a newborn and you had never been out of my arms. When I laid you down, on your back this time because I couldn't pry you far enough away from me to turn you around so you could lay on your belly like you prefer, you looked up at me, turned your head to the side, closed your eyes and fell back asleep. Your little arms straight out to the side, spanning the crib, and your legs, bent up like little frog legs. I wanted to stay, but I tip-toed out.

Earlier today we sat on the couch together. Actually, you were standing, leaning into the back of the couch and looking out the window. You reached over and grabbed a magazine, ripped a corner off of a page, and put it in your mouth. I was afraid to reach in your mouth to grab it, for fear of pushing it back farther. So you know what I did? I ripped off a piece of the magazine and put it in my mouth, to see how quickly it softened up, so I would know what sort of choking hazard we were dealing with.

Today Jett taught you how to take a bite of a banana. We were having a picnic at the zoo and I had brought along a banana for you, although you've never eaten one that wasn't mashed. I kept putting it to your lips and you kept smiling and smiling and slobbering all over it. I know you know how to bite shoulders, so I just assumed you'd know how to bite bananas, silly me. I brought Jett over to you to demonstrate. Oh, he is so cute and funny. He took his tutoring role quite seriously and did it all in slow motion while you watched. Then I put the banana up to your mouth and presto! You took a bite. Just like Jett. You and I clapped and clapped for Jett and then Jett and I clapped and clapped for you and I can not deny that we were all quite proud of ourselves for that little banana-biting accomplishment.

You are almost one year old, Kai, and you are not quite pulling up on furniture and you are not quite finished with pureed food and you are not quite sleeping through the night lately, but when I hold you you curl up in my arms like a little peanut in it's shell and you cover my cheeks with big open mouth kisses and you clap your hands like the whole world is a complete delight, and you know, sometimes it is.

One Big Ball of Crazy

I'm supposed to be packing for our weekend to Michigan, but I'm too busy obsessing over tonight's bedtime routine. 

I had the boys by myself tonight, and got Kai to bed, easy as pie. After Kai fell asleep Jett and I sat on the couch and watched Curious George. The plan was to watch one half hour show and then read books and go to bed, but when the time came for books Jett resisted. I gave in and we watched another half hour of Curious George, interrupted many times by me, reminding him that when the show was over I was not going to read him books, I was not going to tell him stories, I was not going to rub his back. He was going to go in to his room by himself and fall asleep. Right, Jett?

Of course when the time came to go in to his room he resisted that too. Charlie would have relented. He would have put on his super-hero belt, read books, told stories, and rubbed his back, and emerged bleary-eyed, an hour later, wondering where the night had gone. I had no time for that tonight, because I had to pack and do laundry and eat dinner and finish a book. So, I gave Jett a few minutes to inch closer to the bedroom, which meant crawl slowly as a snail from the couch to the chair and then climb up on to the chair to rest from all of the effort of getting there. I used my stern voice and reminded him of our agreement and you won't believe it, but that did the trick. He smiled at me, accepted the sippy cup of water that I offered him, gave me a hug and a kiss, walked into his room, shut the door, and presumably got in bed.

I was relieved for a minute. Then I realized that I had just made my two-year-old  put himself to bed, and wasn't he a little young for that? I don't even have the nightlight plugged in and it's pretty dark in there (which might explain the small crash I heard after he shut the bedroom door). Do I go in to check on him? Will that make him want to get up? Should I plug in the night light? Will that make him want to get up? I don't even have the monitor on, so I can't even tell if he's singing himself to sleep tonight. Should I check on him? And what about that crash sound anyway?

I chickened out. Instead of checking on him, I thought it would be better to eat two bowls of ice cream, finish reading my book, and then got on the Internet. 

I still haven't checked on him and don't even talk to me about packing.

To move on to something that makes me sound less crazy, today I taught Jett his phone number. If he sings it he can say it.

Also, Kai hasn't signed anything in days, but I think he is saying some words - mama, dada, ball, and all done.  Man, he is cute. Don't I have a picture of him around here somewhere?