If you don't have a kid in preschool you will think I'm crazy...

...for spending so much time thinking about what class I should put Jett in and which class all of his friends are in. But that is because preschool doesn't make up most of your social life.

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On the last day of preschool we parents presented the teachers with a framed piece of artwork by the kids. Jett’s lead teacher was so touched that she started to cry. When I hugged his other teacher goodbye, tears welled up in her eyes. His teacher called our class “a breath of fresh air”. She said we were a family. She might have said that to all of the classes, but still, I think most of us believed her.

Our kids were signed up to be spread out between the different class next year. There are three different time slots to choose from, and most of us went with the logical approach. After much hemming and hawing, we chose the time slot that worked best for our own family. It all seemed fine on paper, until the last day of class. As I mentioned above, it was a little emotional. We were a little wistful. Some of us were teary.

Some of us wondered what the heck we were doing signing up for an earlier class when so many of our kid's friends had stayed in the late class. Some of us started to think that maybe what was best for our family was to get all of us in the same class again. This year was so much fun. We wanted our kids to stay with their friends. We wanted to stay with our friends.

So on the last day of school those of us who had signed up for the earlier class next year asked if we could get our kids back in to the late class, so we could be with all of our friends. We were those parents. I was that parent.

To explain, no new preK parent wants the late class. It messes up nap schedules and pushes dinner back to late in the evening. None of us wanted it last year either, but we were in it because we were the new families, and none of the second year families would trade down.

Now we know better. The late class has benefits. Our kids play on the playground after school and they are often the only ones there because school got out hours ago and all of the older kids have gone home. By the time we get our kids home, there's just time for dinner, bath, and bed. No more entertaining, no more scattering toys all over the house. The day is done. Plus, we don't have to be out of the house until the next afternoon.

Now we know better, so this year we traded down. Our teacher, bless her soul, made the phone calls at the eleventh hour and found families who wanted to trade. It was extra work for her, but we probably made those families' year. And vice-versa. School next year is going to be great.

Playing tag on the playground, with the help of a dad.

Walking in to school with his love interest.

Buddies

Last Day of School

September '09

June '10

Yes, I planned it.

Jett is Four!

Happy Birthday, Jett! Now you are four years old!

You are so proud to be four. Or as you like to say, “Now I am almost five!” That’s you – always thinking ahead.

Things were pretty relaxed on your actual birthday. We took a walk with your new binoculars (!) and ended up at Building Blocks Toy Store, which was having a party of their own. You took a big step and let a stranger paint a butterfly on your cheek. I was so proud! Then you went to Letizia’s for lunch with Daddy. Later that day we went to a surprise birthday party for a friend of ours. You and Kai spent the evening running around their backyard in the rain. It was a good birthday.

You also dressed yourself that day.

We had two parties for you, Jett. Two! We would have liked to combine them in to one, but the parties were supposed to be outside, and our place is too small to hold the entire guest list if it rains. And boy, did it rain.

Your first party was with your neighborhood friends and cousins at the Do Division Street Fest, where we danced to Jeanie B and the Jelly Beans. It was fun and chaotic to throw blankets on the sidewalk in the middle of a crowded street festival. Then I busted out the art project for all of your friends to do, because it seemed like a good idea to add one more distraction to an already completely distracting event. But it went pretty well and you all had fun. Jeannie B sang happy birthday to you, as did every stranger standing around us. Jeannie B told me to lift you up so everyone could see you, and I did, with some hesitation. But you were fine! Last year you wouldn’t let us sing Happy Birthday to you and this year a whole street full of strangers did as I held you up in the middle of them so they could see you better. What a day! We ate subs and bounced in the inflatable castle and danced to the music and piled your presents in the stroller after you opened them. Then the sky opened up and we crammed the cupcakes down our throats and threw the blankets in the strollers and dashed for our cars/buses/homes – and still, we all got soaked, every single guest at the party. Maybe Kai most of all, wrapped up in Aunt Jenny’s arms the entire walk home (thanks, Aunt Jenny!). The presents stayed dry of course, as did the cupcakes. We had priorities, you know.

Dancing on the bubble wrap with Christopher

Baby Colin made it!

Your second party was with your school friends, at our house. You wanted to invite your entire class, and so did we, but thank goodness we didn’t, because it rained during this party too. We had 10 kids and 9 adults (including Uncle Nathan) in our little home, and you know what? It went great. We painted t-shirts out on the fire escape and decorated sun visors on our (new!) kitchen table. Then when you all started to get a little nutty I turned on some music – the same CD that you dance to at school – and you all hopped up and started to dance! It was priceless, watching you all dance the same moves to those songs, so uninhibited and confident. I loved it. You opened presents while everyone else ate cake, and then Pete busted out his guitar and sang some songs, and then the rain stopped so we went outside to hula-hoop. As you know, you are a hula-hoop star.

Painting t-shirts

Dancing

That is a “100” candle on your cake, as you requested, because 100 is your favorite number.

Kai isn’t too bad either.

We have really spent some serious time celebrating your birthday, Jett, and you’ve loved it. You told me that each party was “the best party in the wuld.” I totally agree.



Happy Birthday, Jett. We love you.

Walking on Egg Shells

Jett wakes up at 6:00 every morning and wants to play. He doesn't want to watch tv or snuggle or read books. He wants to play. I used to wake up happy, so eager to see him in the morning, even though every morning he woke up grumpy. Now he is happy in the morning and I just want 10 more minutes of sleep.

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I recently stumbled on a way to wake him up from his nap so he will be happy. (He naps in my bed. He still, as always, wakes up grumpy from his nap - that hasn't changed). I used to sit on the edge of my bed and talk to him and rub his arm and kiss his face to wake him up for school. He hated it. One afternoon I napped with him and woke him up by draping my arm across him, since I was laying next to him. He giggled. Now before I wake him up I just crawl in to bed next to him. He wakes up and he smiles and I breathe a sigh of relief.

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Last week Sunday I was supposed to babysit for my friend the morning of Jett's third (of four) birthday party (pictures coming soon). I would have been watching my two kids and hers - all great friends. She had just babysat my kids all day the day before (Friday), and while I know Jett had a blast, he was still recovering from, I think, the effort of having so much fun. I was eager to help my friend by babysitting for her, but on Saturday I was concerned that Jett wouldn't be in good form by the time his birthday party rolled around Sunday afternoon. She was like, "Isn't his birthday party tomorrow?" And that's when I realized that other parents don't do this. They don't get so worried about their kid having enough down time in between play dates. Their kids get worn-out by a day-long play date. Mine gets stressed-out.

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Jett's preschool gets out in the afternoon and a handful of the parents stay and let their kids play on the playground after school. It's fun for the kids and for the parents, and I love it. We stand around and talk at the end of the day while the kids run and play. If only I didn't have to stay within 30 yards of Jett the whole time. Because I'll just admit it, he is the first to hit/push/collapse in an angry heap on the playground.

The other parents seem to be able to stand on the periphery of the playground and talk and keep a sufficient eye on their kid. But I have to walk away in the middle of conversations because I lose sight of Jett and the kid can get angry in the blink of an eye. I've tried warnings, time-outs, sitting on the bench, taking a break in the car, but the fact is, after a little push we have to leave. His behavior doesn't get better. We just have to leave. I don't know any other parent who has had to leave the playground because their child was so aggressive. Sure all of the kids get in to tussles once in a while, but only one kid gets in to nearly every one, every time. I don't know any other parent on the playground who goes through this and so no one knows how much I hate it.

When he's really grumpy I can't take him to the playground at all. I hate missing the playground.

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One of Jett's teachers told me that she thinks Jett gets aggressive when he doesn't have the words for what he wants to say. I accepted that but didn't quite understand what she meant until I saw a sorting exercise he did with his teacher:

Jett asked me to stay with him at school the other day, so I did. His teacher called him and two of his friends over to her table to do a couple of "exercises". She gave each child a handful of plastic shapes in various colors and she told them to each sort their own pile by color. Jett was the first one done. He stacked them in to one pile and put the yellow ones on the bottom, the green ones on top of them, then the red, and finally the blue ones on the very top. His teacher asked him to tell her what he did. He said something like, "There's the yellow, there's the green, there's the red, and the blue on top." Then she asked his friend to tell her what she did, and this little girl explained in vivid and precise detail exactly what she had done. She gave too much detail if that is possible. She wrote a novel right there on the spot. She easily spoke 10 sentences to every one of his.

Maybe it is a communication learning curve. Maybe it is more of a development stage than a personality trait. I mean, he is a really sweet kid. A sweet kid with a mean right hook.

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I went to talk to this organization that runs play groups and parenting classes. I talked to them on the phone 4 or 5 times before going in for an "intake" meeting. I spent over an hour with one of their staff members while my kids played in the preschool room. At the end of the hour the staff member told me the cost of the program. I thought it was $400 total for three months, but actually it was $400 per month, and so I did the only thing someone would do who no longer qualifies for the reduced price because after a year and a half her family is employed again: I burst in to tears. Then I went to pick up my kids from the playgroup to find them covered in cookie crumbs with their mouths stained yellow from frosting. wtf? I will not pay $1200 for you to stuff my kids with more sugar in 2 hours than I feed them in two days, thank you very much. Also, you didn't let me observe the preschool room before leaving my kids there. Also in 4 or 5 phone calls I think you could have made sure I understood the cost before charging me $30 for an intake meeting and wasting 2 hours.

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One of Jett's teachers gave me some "cheat sheets" as I call them. One is a laminated sheet of paper with four faces on it, each showing a different emotion: happy, sad, tired, angry. The other is a flip chart of options that Jett can choose to help him calm down. She made one flip chart of options he can do at home (Take a deep breath, Count to 10, Get a drink of water, Sit on the couch, Play in your room, etc.). She also made a chart of options he can do when we are out and about (Sit on the bench, sit in the car, etc.). They are pocket-sized so I can take them with me. The idea is that when he gets out of control, I am to ask him what he is feeling (he can point to one of the faces) and why. This is to work on identifying his feelings, practicing talking about them, and finding better ways to manage them. Then I give him the choices of how to cool down. Jett was thrilled with this game, and spent the entire dinner hour pretending he was one emotion or the other, and then choosing an option to "cool down", and then leaving the dinner table to go do it (Play in your room was his favorite). By the end of dinner I needed to cool down. Sadly, chugging a beer was not one of the options on the chart. Still, I'm optimistic about the charts. Also, thankful for such a committed teacher.

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One day a couple of weeks ago Jett hit a little kid, who looked about two years old, who was standing on the playground in front of the slide. I jumped up there, carried Jett off the play structure and to the car, calling apologies to the other mom. Later I asked Jett why he hit that little boy. He told me he hit that boy because he was blocking the slide. I told him that he wasn't trying to block the slide, he was just standing in front of it. I asked Jett why he didn't just ask him to move. Jett told me he didn't talk to him because he didn't know him. He said it matter-of-fact, like of course - no one talks to kids they don't know.

So I reminded Jett that he didn't know any of his school friends until he met them on the first day, and isn't he so glad he talked to them? I told him he can talk to kids he doesn't know. I told him what to say if he needed to ask someone to move out of the way. I told him how to say, "Hi". Really, I told him how to say that and we practiced. We practiced saying "hi". We took turns being Jett, and being The Kid Jett Doesn't Know. It was goofy and we laughed, and we did it.

The next day we saw our neighbor, Rene. Rene is a nice man in his, I don't know, 60s say, and we have lived next door to him for maybe 6 years now. We saw Rene and out of the blue, for the first time in 4 years, Jett said, "Hi" to him. (Kai has been saying "Hi" to him for months). Rene was wonderful. He solemnly shook Jett's hand. I wanted to hug him. Now Jett says "hi" to everyone who walks by us on the street. Today he wanted our neighbor to walk by again just so he could say "hi" to him again. I'm thrilled, but holy crap, if I had known that all I had to do was teach him how to say "hi" I would have done it months ago. I had no idea I needed to teach him how to, or that it is ok to, say "hi". What else do I need to teach him? Isn't there a list of these things somewhere?

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Somebody who knows about these things told me he just needs more "modeling". She told me to make up stories of kids doing things he does - like trying to go down the slide first, for example, and in the story, have the kids work it out the right way. So I did, and she was right. He gobbles those stories up. He wants to know how they got down the slide. Who is going first next time? He is happy when they work it out and take turns going first. He tells me stories of similar situations in his own life. I can't believe it.

I finally, and accidentally, came up with two main characters for these recurring stories: two boys named Cory and Fossil. Although once Jett told me that Cory is a girl, so it really doesn't matter. (Also, if you want to know how I came up with the name Fossil, it went like this: I thought of the name Cory which reminded me of coral, which kind of looks like a fossil to me, and fossil kind of sounds like coral which sounds like Cory, thus Cory and Fossil). Cory and Fossil get in to all sorts of predicaments and their moms are always kind and fair. Tonight Jett told me a story of Cory and Fossil, which kind of corresponded to one of the arguments we had today, although it was probably just coincidence...or are things starting to come together?

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Tonight I picked Jett up from school and he was mad that he couldn't take a toy from school home, and then he hit his brother, and then we skipped the playground and went home, and then he kept hitting his brother and hitting me so he went into his room for a time out about a gazillion times and eventually he stomped angrily to bed.

I followed him in to his room and sat down next to his bed. He told me a story about Cory and Fossil and asked me to rub his back and told me he loves me this much (arms spread wide until they reached behind his back). I told him I loved him even more than that. That made him mad and he punched his pillow with his fist because he said I can't love him more than he loves me, because he loves the most.

Oh that kid!

Holiday!

We love a long weekend. This time we drove up to Green Bay to spend some time with Charlie's parents and Uncle Will. It was a great weekend and the boys did everything they wanted to do:

Running through sprinklers? Check.


Playing in a sandbox with a bunch of other kids? Check.
Playing nicely with the new kids? DOUBLE CHECK!

Riding bikes? Check Check!


Using power tools? Check!


(He is a big kid now, operating the leaf blower, and he knows it. Just look at that sweet face).


Gardening? Check!


Celebrating birthdays at Happy Joes? Check! Check!




Thanks, Grammy and Papa. We had a wonderful time!

Bikes

I love taking the boys out on their bikes. It feels so much more fun that just going for a walk in the stroller. If Jett would ride more than 1/4 block without stopping to look at the ants, we might even get some place.





Even city-kids get to run through a sprinkler sometimes!