Because Now I have the Luxury of Feeling Wistful About Work

Kai is twelve weeks old today. Today should have been my first day back at work. But a few weeks ago Charlie and I decided that I wouldn't go back to work. So you might say that today was my first day as a SAHM. You know, a stay-at-home-mom.

But that is naive.

During my maternity leave with Jett, I had to concentrate on storing up milk in the fridge. We had to make sure that he would take a bottle. We had to figure out child care, and I had to mentally prepare myself for leaving him every morning. The last few days of my leave I had to practice getting up and getting ready as if I was going to work. I had to gradually be away from him for longer and longer amounts of time. For a working mom, maternity leave starts out as a time to get to know your baby, and it ends with your preparations to leave him.

This time, when we decided that I would stay home with the boys, I had barely started pumping. We hadn't even tried giving Kai a bottle yet. I've been able to spend these last few weeks of my maternity leave without the mental stress or the physical work of preparing to go back to work.

My point is, that working moms don't just face challenges after they go back to work. Their added responsibility starts as soon as they start looking for childcare, which they probably do (or at least I did), before their baby is born. They may get twelve weeks off of work (if they're lucky), but they spend part of their leave simply preparing to go back.

So despite what I might say later in this blog, I know I have it easy right now.

Staying home with my boys has proven more challenging than I thought it would be. But working outside of the house every day takes a different kind of stamina. At least when I'm with my kids, I'm only with my kids. When I was at work, I was physically in my office, but mentally with my babe. Sure, I got better at focusing on my work at work, but I was still always in two places at once.

So let's give it up to the women who spend their days in two places at once. Who never get quite all of the information they want about their child's day from their child's caregiver. Who wake up every morning three hours before work, but don't get dressed until they are about to leave because it's the only way to ensure that their work clothes won't get spit up upon.

Thanks for everything you do. I was proud to be part of the team.