What I Learned Today

Or more specifically, what I learned about three year olds while babysitting two of them today:

1. There will be tantrums. It doesn't matter that a three year old just won Candy Land four times in a row, he will still have a meltdown when he loses game number five.

2. And more tantrums. A three year old might act like he's ok with losing Candy Land four times in a row, but he is not. He really needs to go first the next time, and just let him be the red gingerbread man for once, alright? Geesh. Give the kid a break.

3. You will also want to fling yourself to the floor. If he is in the middle of an intense game of the Toy Story Alien Game, a three year old will not stop playing to pee. Instead he will pee while playing. In fact, he will pee while playing and yelling, "I'm peeing in my pants! I'm peeing in my pants!" Furthermore, when you run in to the room and tell him to "Stop peeing! Stop!" he will stare at you blankly as if you are the one being ridiculous. (By the way, Jett, if this blog somehow still exists when you are old enough to read it, I am stating here for the record that you were not the one peeing your pants. It was your friend, who shall remain nameless).

4. But you will have to act like the adult. If you ask him to wash his hands, but he starts to put on his socks, and you gently ask him to please wash his hands first (seriously, he just used those hands to take off his pee-covered clothes!) he might say, "like I've told you a million times already, I have to put on my socks first." It will not matter that he actually has not told you that a million times before, has has not told you that even once before. It will not matter. Just keep your mouth shut and let it go.

5. You will have to think on your feet. It takes approximately fifteen minutes to dry a wet pair of child-size pants and underwear under the hand dryers in the men's bathroom at the Garfield Park Conservatory. (This time the clothes were wet from a fall in a puddle, not pee).

6. And be diplomatic. Never acknowledge which child is taller, faster, bigger, or older. Don't let them run a race, and above all, do not be the judge of any race they run.

7. It's all just a matter of luck. No matter how much energy they seem to have, put them down for a nap. You never know, they might just fall asleep. Relief!